Where I work, there are two types of people: the cool and the stiff.
The cool go with the flow, don't take themselves too seriously, and are slow to judge.
The stiff are just the opposite.
The cool can hang with just about anyone, spark up conversations with C-level execs and entry-level college students. They're just cool that way.
The stiff walk fast past those unlike them, smile (the fake kind) "hi," and keep it moving.
What always seems to amaze me about the cool is that they are open to hearing about other lifestyles unlike their own.They even ask questions. Take my girl Dani, a Caucasian cool chic, for example. The other night, she and I talked candidly about a question she posed, "Do you think that black women or black men have it tougher in this society?"
After I answered her question she told me her thoughts and then explained the origin of her question. To me, that was cool. (BTW, my answer was "black men".)
When Dani learned that I was gay, she was like, "Oh really. Dude...I want to meet her!"
The stiff, which includes many mid to senior-level managers are always like, "oh, are you sure?" or "how do you know?" and "I'm fine with that. My [fill in the blank] is gay." I hate this last response the most. As I've mentioned in previous posts, my lesbianism does not depend on whether or not the stiff are "fine" with my lifestyle. And most importantly, I'm definitely not seeking their validation.
A few months ago, I interviewed Lisa, a D.C. cop, who mentioned that many of her coworkers' first reaction to her sexuality is to not accept it.
I had a coworker one time that told me she thought lesbians were predatory. 'Well obviously I don’t agree with that,' I told her. A lot of people hold that notion. A normal reaction is to not accept us right off the bat, because of prejudices in our society.
That's the stiff for you.
4 comments:
I feel you... Sometimes the stiff is open-minded to other things or lifestyles. I would consider myself a stiff but just cause I'm not talkative. I could actually see myself walk by the cool just cause I wouldn't know what to say...
I suppose that the uncomfortable "I have a _____ who's gay" is similar to the response one gets when one tells people one is vegetarian: "I almost never eat red meat." When I've said I'm vegetarian, it's usually because we're trying to decide on a place for lunch and I'm expressing a preference. When you tell me you "rarely" eat red meat, you're telling me.... what? People feel the need to commiserate on some level,I guess, even if they can't identify with your situation.
I wouldn't take the stiffs personally. Some people would rather just leave the office at the office.
All,
Thanks for your offering your thoughts. I def. think that the "I have a ___ who's gay" is really similiar to the vegetarian comments, and also the comments like, "I like Black people (or Hispanic people, etc.) I have a friend who's Black." Feel me?
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